Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
