2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
