New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
