Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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