4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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