i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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