no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
