you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
