You smell like stripper and shame
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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