the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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