Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
