Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
