I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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