Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
