i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
