i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
