Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The uberlube is also flammable
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
