Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
