Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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