the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
