Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He better not be in your backpack
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
