I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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