I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
