Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
