I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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