did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
