Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
