I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
