my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
