guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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