i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That accounts for only three of the penises
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
