The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
