Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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