WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
