i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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