i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
