i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
