no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ladies don't puke and tell
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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