the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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