I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
