Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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