In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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