To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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