If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
