your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
