addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
