So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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