I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
