so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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