Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
