I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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